Thumbs Down: New Moon

Holy, that was awful.

Which, I suppose, was kinda the point: your average thinking person does not show up to Twilight in search for philosophy, poignancy, or provocation. The whole theatre shows up to erupt in laughter every time the werewolf kid takes his shirt off, because that's the raison d'etre for the whole thing.

This point, however, has seemingly escaped a gazillion ladies who live, breathe and die Twilight, in a weirdly obsessive way that had previously been reserved for boy groups. For the most part, this is totally acceptable and tolerable for the young, but when older folk enter the foray of crazy, then some questions have to be asked.

For instance, what's with the these two ladies that wrote to Lainey Gossip about the Johnny Depp Verdict?

Ashley R, if you're worried about how devastated your daughter be about People's overlook of Mopeface Killah for Sexiest Man Alive, then you will have infinitely larger problems when your daughter announces her plans to buy a bunch of cardigans and shack up with a million cats a short few years from now. Megan, I can't even begin to state how fucked you are.

And Mopeface Killah, talking under your breath and acting with a stick up your ass for two hours ain't gonna win you that Johnny Depp Award. At least your little girlfriend knew enough to listen to the Runaways.

Thumbs Down: Harry Rosen

Harry Rosen,

You've apparently used this image of the PM in your Christmas promo material because yr CEO Jr. means to"celebrate the Canadian political landscape", and not as an endorsement or a slag on our current King Canada.

If what you really intended was to remind us how MOR our fair nation is (and, correspondingly, your store), or if you somehow forgot that any press, good or bad, for a politician is predominantly a good thing for that particular shill, fair enough. Otherwise, I'm shopping at Holt's.

Black Friday Shopping Reminders

With less than 2 days remaining until the big post Thanksgiving shopping season kickoff known as Black Friday, let's try to remember a few things this year:

1) Be Thankful - It's easy to get caught up in the consumerism that has become the Thanksgiving holiday. Perhaps worry less about getting the cheapest deal on a LED TV and be thankful that you can't count your kid's ribs.



2) Spend Wisely - In a year of continued economic turmoil, bankruptcies, foreclosures, and layoffs, let's remember that what got us into this mess was our inability to spend and manage our use of credit wisely.



3) Be Patient - Anybody remember the people getting trampled, injured, and killed at Walmart stores in 2008? Let's not do that again.




Otherwise, have fun, be safe, and enjoy the holiday shopping!

Thumbs Down (Nostalgia Edition): that Girl Who is Getting Fucked By a Douchebag

Girl that was in my Immigrant Lit class almost ten years ago that looked like Molly Ringwald with a snaggletooth,

I know it's a bit late, but when you're telling us in class that your boyfriend is all 'post-modern' because his thought patterns are non-linear, that's just a dumb-ass way of acknowledging that you're dating an idiot that can't finish complete thoughts. Would've warned you, but you seemed all in love and shit.

Guy Fieri's Roadshow

NO.

Thumbs Down: Elizabeth Lambert

Missy,

You got caught on video pulling an opponent by her ponytail down to the pitch, among other things worthy of yellow, red, white, blue, rainbow cards. In the grand scheme of professional soccer, probably not unheard of. But playing the gender card? Just fucking own it already.

Thumbs Down: Lady that Just Won't Shut Up at the Dinner Demo

Lady that brought her vegetarian son, who apparently eats bacon and poultry,

When we shelled out to have a nice dinner cooked by Pino Posteraro at a dinner demonstration, I expect a certain amount of respect, shock and awe for the chef, like Chinese moms do when friggin' Lang Lang does a piano recital or gay dudes with Lady Gaga.

When dude talks about how Heston Blumenthal invited him to do a sous vide demo, I don't want to hear about how you've never seen induction cookers before. When dude talks about how he cooked the first carnivorous meal that Michael Stipe has had in 25 years, I do NOT want to hear how fussy your vegetarian son is about what he eats (I have no idea how bacon fits into vegetarianism, but kudos, lady's son, for convincing your mom that your fussiness is some noble achievement). When you see a plate full of food that most people can only afford once a year, if even that, I expect you to gorge yourself and SHUT THE FUCK UP. Thanks.